“Yes I had Everything I wanted, But It Came at A Price…” | Vinolia Masilo
“I’m not proud of what I did, but I’m sharing my story to set a good example for my daughter. We need to show young girls that dating older men is a waste of time and it will leave you scarred for life.”
SOUTHAFRICA — Vinolia Masilo, now 25, found herself dating an older man just so she could have the basic necessities. But everything comes at a price and she would learn this too.
Masilo hopes what she went through will help young girls to think twice before dating a sugar daddy as way to get what they want.
At the age of 17-years-old is when it all started,that is when she had her first affair.
One afternoon after writing an exam, Masilo was walking with her friends when a 32-year-old man approached them. The man was actually in a relationship with another woman and had three children but that did not stop him from pursuing Masilo.
“We exchanged numbers and started talking. As time went on, I saw an opportunity to get materialistic things from him and I did exactly that,” she said.
But things started turning for the worst.
“He started changing and wanted to control me. He didn’t want me to have male friends. He wanted me to be at home all the time and if he called and I was somewhere, he would get angry.”
“I Remember once when a friend sent me a call back and he accused me of cheating. He started beating me up right there on the spot,” she said.”
“He didn’t want to be seen in public with me.”
Masilo was constantly reminded that everything she had was from him and every time they would argue, she recalls how he would tell her of all the things he was doing for her and how her family would not be able to do the same.
“He started treating me as though I had nothing without him. Yes, I had everything I wanted, but it came at a price. He didn’t want to be seen in public with me. If we went out, it had to be far away from Soshanguve,” she said.
The relationship lasted two-years, it ended when she became sick. Masilo found out she had an STI, and she described it as both a painful and embarrassing thing that she had to go through.
She was in matric when she fell pregnant by another man, who died two years later.
She was unable to finish school due to the pregnancy, and feeling the pressure of having to feed another mouth, she found her self persuing another older man.
This time, he was 50 and divorced. She was 23 at the time.
This man was just as worst as the first.
“He was trying to make what I was not. I had to tell him where I was going, who I was going with and sometimes he would even want to take me there.”
“Every time my phone rang, he wanted to know who I was speaking to. When I made a mistake, he reminded me of everything he was doing for me,” she said.
Masilo said the man was also controlling and did not want her to be independent.
“He did not want me to further my ambitions in life. He said he had money and could take care of me, so why do I need to work. He would go as far as approaching people [who] hired me to tell them I was a criminal and couldn’t be trusted.”
Soon she was being told what she could or could not wear. She found herself depressed, always crying and shutting the world out. Masilo said she started questioning why she came from a poor background and why her child’s father had to die. She became less interested in sex.
“The sex life became more of a rape. He would be in the mood and I wouldn’t. I would just lay on the bed and he would do what he wanted.”
After seven-months, Masilo had the courage to end the horrible relationship, she said it was because she “couldn’t take it anymore.”
She has since turned her life around.
In 2014, Masilo started sharing her story with young schoolgirls in a bid to ensure that they didn’t follow the same path. In her spare time, she is part of a youth program on public speaking. She works as an event co-ordinator and DJ.
Her daughter is now 6-years-old.
“I shared my life to show young girls that it is not okay to date older men. I was lucky to only have a child, but others won’t be so lucky. They might end up with HIV/Aids. I can see others relate to my story… when I share it [with them], which is an indication that they are involved [in such relationships].
“I’m not proud of what I did, but I’m sharing my story to set a good example for my daughter. We need to show young girls that dating older men is a waste of time and it will leave you scarred for life,” she said.